oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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