I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
