Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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