if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
