Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
