Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
