Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
