I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I queefed so loud it echoed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
