The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
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