My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
