Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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