This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
