I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
