my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
