alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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