dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
