he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
