Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
