He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
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we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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