I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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