final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
