had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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