im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
