Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
