Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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