Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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