btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
