SEEEEXXX PLEASE
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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