This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
