Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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