People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
