You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
