He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
