Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
