Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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