did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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