Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
