Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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