So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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