she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
