God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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