life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
