i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
