Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
