i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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