is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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