Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
