i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
