I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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