my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think people are normalizing furries
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
