im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
