I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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