Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
