How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
no you cant smoke seaweed
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
