I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
