i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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