So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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