I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
